


Like Sand

by partykeefus



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst, Depressed Keith (Voltron), Heavy Angst, M/M, Suicide, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Sheith, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 07:30:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17039444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partykeefus/pseuds/partykeefus
Summary: The day after the wedding, Keith leaves Earth and doesn’t look back. He focuses on his humanitarian efforts, spreading peace and stability with his mother and Kolivan by his side. By day, he’s fine. He’s busy handing out supplies and giving speeches. But by night, he proves himself wrong in thinking he couldn’t cry harder. He does himself in by checking social media and sees Shiro and Curtis’ wedding photos. He curls in on himself tightly on his cot, his chest feeling hollow and like a festering infection all at once. Every night he feels himself getting closer and closer to breaking. Every tear that falls from his eyes threaten to drown him. He feels the relationship he had with Shiro slipping through his fingers like sand.





	Like Sand

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of feelings about season 8. This can't be the true ending. It can't be. So I made this to get those feelings out and hopefully now I can move on and make happy things.
> 
> Sorry in advance for the feels :(

The day after the wedding, Keith leaves Earth and doesn’t look back. He focuses on his humanitarian efforts, spreading peace and stability with his mother and Kolivan by his side. By day, he’s fine. He’s busy handing out supplies and giving speeches. But by night, he proves himself wrong in thinking he couldn’t cry harder. He does himself in by checking social media and sees Shiro and Curtis’ wedding photos. He curls in on himself tightly on his cot, his chest feeling hollow and like a festering infection all at once. Every night he feels himself getting closer and closer to breaking. Every tear that falls from his eyes threaten to drown him. He feels the relationship he had with Shiro slipping through his fingers like sand.

 

It’s been a year since the wedding and Keith is at his limit. He stopped checking in on Shiro months ago for the sake of his sanity, per Krolia’s request/begging. His gaze is as hollow as his chest feels and everyone around him can tell he’s suffering.

 

On the day of Shiro and Curtis’ anniversary, Keith makes the fatal mistake of checking on them. He makes the journey to Earth and almost immediately regrets landing in that god forsaken desert.

 

The party is in full swing when he arrives. He steps into the ballroom on the Atlas and a cacophony of “Keith!”s and “Hey, Keith’s back!”s echo in his ears. He’s embraced left and right. He’s receiving slaps on the back and someone even ruffles his hair. He tries his best to acknowledge everyone appropriately, and he thinks he did a great job considering the situation, but it all goes downhill when Keith sets his gaze on the couple of the hour.

 

Shiro’s just as beautiful, if not more beautiful than before. His white hair is still cut short with the tuft at the front, but he’s allowed his facial hair to grow out. His glasses are a bit thicker and the frames are different. He hasn’t noticed Keith yet. Him and Curtis are currently talking to an alien whose name Keith can’t remember.

 

“Hey Keith, you okay? You’re a bit pale.” Hunk says. Keith schools his expression into something neutral and professional.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m gonna say hi to Shiro.” He says as calmly as he can. As he makes his way over, the nausea hits him in waves. He’s staring the couple down and he feels like he's in a trance with tunnel vision. A couple feet away, Shiro turns and notices Keith approaching. A beautiful grin splits his face and Keith's stomach drops; he's almost sure he's going to throw up.

 

“Hey!” Shiro greets and goes in for a hug. Keith freezes as those strong arms embrace him thoroughly. Slowly, he relaxes and breathes in Shiro's familiar scent.

 

He's always smelled like home.

 

Keith returns the embrace and for the first time in a year he feels whole again.

 

“It's so good to see you!” Shiro chirps before releasing Keith all too soon for his liking.

 

“Yeah, you too, Shiro.” Keith croaks then clears his throat.

 

“You look good.” Shiro puts his hand on Keith's shoulder just like he used to. The weight is familiar but all the same, it causes the cracks in his heart to deepen.

 

“Thanks. You too.” Keith breathes. He bites his tongue to keep from letting loose his thoughts:  _ you're as beautiful as ever. I miss you. Why did you choose him and not me? _

 

And with that last thought, he looks over to Curtis who's walking the short distance to join the conversation. Keith feels himself getting faint.

 

“Keith! What a surprise! How have you been?” Curtis says with a smile and extents his hand. Keith shakes it firmly and schools his expression into a polite smile even though he’d rather die than stand where he’s standing.

 

“Good. I’ve been good.” He lies. “How have you guys been?” He asks, and regrets it.

 

“We’ve been great.” Curtis shoots Shiro a lovestruck grin and he returns it. “We’re thinking of adopting a kid soon. Exciting, right?”

 

Keith can’t breath. And it must show on his face.

 

“Keith?” Shiro steps forward. Keith snaps out of it once Shiro reaches to place his hand on his shoulder once more. He dodges it swiftly.

 

“Yeah, exciting!” Keith’s voice wavers. “That’s very exciting!” In his head, red flags are waving and alarms are blaring but Keith can’t bring his feet to move.

 

“Yes, it is!” Curtis laughs, not catching onto Keith’s clear distress. “We’re thinking a little girl will complete our little family.” He locks his arm around Shiro’s human arm and leans his head on his shoulder.

 

Images of a little baby girl being cradled in Shiro’s large arms flood Keith’s head. He can hear the baby’s coos and little giggles. He can imagine Shiro holding her hand while Curtis holds the other when she learns to walk. Keith closes and opens his mouth, trying to form words.

 

Finally, Keith’s throat closes. He is actually going to throw up.

 

He turns and darts through the crowd to find the nearest bathroom. He hears Shiro shout his name but he refuses to stop running. He finds a private bathroom and locks the door behind him before emptying his stomach’s contents in the toilet. He coughs and sputters, and that turns into sobs and hiccups. He’s done puking, but he’s leaning over the toilet, dry heaving and crying.

 

“Why?!” Keith asks no one in particular. His sobs echo off the bowl of the toilet and the walls of the bathroom and he’s deafened by it. Eventually, his cries weaken and he’s left trembling, leaning against the wall next to the toilet. He brings his knees to his chest and curls up. He begins rocking back and forth in an attempt to ground himself.

 

“I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.” He chants. “This is fine. I’m fine.” He takes a deep breath.

 

He stands and flushes the toilet, then makes his way to the sink to rinse his mouth, wipe his face, and fix his hair. When he feels somewhat normal again, he steels himself and leaves the bathroom. Of course, his friends are there waiting.

 

“Dude, are you okay?” Lance asks right away.

 

“Yeah, you left in a hurry there.” Hunk adds.

 

Keith swallows and wills himself not to turn around and throw up again.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Keith lies. “I have to go though. It was nice seeing you.” He side steps and takes a few steps past the duo.

 

Hunk and Lance exchange glances.

 

“Keith… We’re your friends. You can talk to us. We can see you’re not okay.” Hunk turns and plants his hand on Keith’s chest to stop him from advancing. Keith looks at his feet instead of at his friends. Lance and Hunk wait patiently. As they watch Keith stare, his breathing picks up and his shoulders start shaking. Lance’s eyes widen comically and Hunk’s jaw drops.

 

“Hunk… Lance…” Keith says wetly before looking up, revealing his red eyes and tear stained cheeks. “I’m not okay.” His voice breaks into a sob. Hunk immediately wraps him in the softest hug Keith’s ever had. And just like that, the dam breaks. He’s crying openly in Hunk’s arms, clinging desperately to his shirt. “I’m- I’m not okay!” He repeats.

 

“I know, buddy.” Hunk coos.

 

“Can you tell us what’s wrong?” Lance asks quietly.

 

“Sh-Shiro!” Keith nearly shrieks. Hunk shushes him and cradles the back of Keith’s head.

 

“What about Shiro?” Hunk asks gently.

 

“I…” Keith hiccups. “I love him.”

 

“We know-”

 

“You don’t!” Keith squeezes Hunk hard. “You don’t know! You don’t know!” His voice breaks off into hysterical sobbing. Hunk hushes him again and rubs his back gently.

 

“Okay, maybe we don’t know. Do you want us to know?” Lance tries to reason with him. 

 

“He… He saved me. He- He raised me. I loved him like a - like a brother. But… but now…” Keith’s voice cuts off again. He releases Hunk slowly and breathes a deep, shaky breath. “I love him. And… He didn’t choose me. After … everything.” He’s staring at his feet again and he’s shaking like a leaf. The hallway is silent besides his quiet hiccups and sniffling.

 

“Oh my god…” Hunk whispers.

 

“Keith, I’m so sorry.” Lance reaches and rubs Keith’s back in circles.

 

“I am too.” Keith says lowly. Before Hunk or Lance can ask what he means, he steps back and escapes their comforting touches. “Thanks for listening, but I really have to go now. Send Shiro my best.” He wipes at his face urgently.

 

“Al-Alright.” Lance stutters.

 

“Take care of yourself, Keith.” Hunk says, his voice full of emotion.

 

Keith stares with unseeing eyes for a moment before turning.

 

“I’m sorry.” He says, and walks away.

  
  
  


Hunk and Lance return to the ballroom and are intercepted by Shiro.

 

“Where’s Keith? Is he okay?” Shiro asks, looking behind them to see if they were followed.

 

“He’s going back.” Lance crosses his arms and frowns.

 

“Is he okay?” Shiro repeats. Hunk and Lance look at eachother with pained expressions.

 

“He sends you his best.” Hunk says.

 

“Why are you being vague? Is he okay or not?” Shiro’s beginning to lose his patience. Hunk shakes his head.

 

“He’s not okay.” Hunk says quietly.

 

“What?” Shiro asks.

 

“What’s going on? Is Keith back yet?” Curtis walks up and joins them.

 

“No, he’s not coming back.” Lance says with venom.

 

“Lance.” Hunk says his name as a warning.

 

“Okay, I’m gonna go find him.” Shiro says and starts walking past Hunk and Lance.

 

“Uh!” Hunk says loudly. “Maybe that’s not a good idea.”

 

“And why not?” Shiro puts his hands on his hips.

 

“He was… pretty upset. I’ve never seen him like that.” Lance says and scratches the back of his head. At that, Shiro’s eyes widen.

 

“I’m going to go find him.” Shiro tells them, and leaves.

  
  
  


Shiro looks for an hour and can't find Keith aboard the Atlas. He goes into the hangar and finds a hole where a small ship used to be.

  
  
  


Days after the party, Shiro gets a call from Krolia on his tablet.

 

“Shiro.” She says urgently.

 

“What's wrong Krolia?” Shiro replies, putting down the book he was reading.

 

“Is Keith with you? He hasn't returned any of my calls.”

 

Shiro's brows furrow and he frowns. “No, he left two days ago.”

 

Shiro's never seen a Galra go pale before.

 

“Shiro, we must find him immediately.” Krolia says.

 

“O-Okay, I'll ask Pidge if she can help. He could be anywhere in the galaxy by now.” Shiro reasons.

 

“I'll round up some search parties. We will search the Milky Way and go from there.”

 

“Krolia, what's going on?” Shiro asks, a deep primal fear prickles at the back of his mind. Krolia pauses and averts her eyes.

 

“Keith is in danger.” Krolia settles on saying. Panic rises in Shiro's chest.

 

“What? Is he being hunted? Who is-”

 

“No one is after him, Shiro. He's a danger to himself and we may already be too late! Now get Pidge and search your planet immediately!” Krolia shouts and cuts off the transmission.

 

Shiro blinks for a moment before pressing Pidge's contact.

  
  
  


The Holts help Shiro search the Earth for any sign of Keith. They seem to have run out of places to look, but Shiro remembers the old shack out in the desert Keith stayed in all those years ago. Shiro races to where he remembers it to be on a hoverbike, and he finally spots it out on the horizon. He’s filled with dread the moment his eyes settle on its blurry form. He pushes the engine to its limits and speeds towards it.

 

As he approaches, he sees a small ship parked behind it, and in that moment he feels the breath leave his lungs. The next few seconds it takes to get to the shack are lost to the panic in his chest. He leaps off the bike once he’s close enough and nearly rips the door off its hinges in an effort to get the door open.

 

“Keith!” Shiro shouts once the door is open. Dust floats through the air and the silence that follows is deafening. He runs through the front room and comes face to face with the bedroom door. There’s a note pinned on it at around eye level. He takes it off, unfolds it, and reads-

 

_ Hey… I’ve never been good with words, but I hope to whomever finds this will forgive me. _

 

_ For those of you who spent time with me in the last year, I apologize for my distant behavior. I haven’t been the same since Voltron left us on Altea. It was like my dearest and closest friend had left me. And in a way, he did. _

 

“No…” Shiro whispers as he reads more.

 

_ After everything we’ve been through together, after he saved me and raised me and turned me into the man I am today, and after I saved him and loved him and fought tooth and nail to keep him safe, he chose to leave me behind. It was like losing my father all over again, but worse, because now after all these years, I’ve come to love him more than I could ever love a brother. I can’t stand to be in a universe where I can’t be with him, so this is goodbye. _

 

“No, no!!” Shiro’s voice crescendos into a yell as he yanks the door open. The blood drains from his face as he takes in the scene in front of him.

 

Keith’s lifeless corpse sprawled out on the bed, drenched in dried blood. His long hair is in a beautiful braid over his shoulder and he’s in his senior blade uniform.

 

Shiro screams for Keith to wake up while he makes his way over to the bedside. He checks for a pulse, screaming and crying, begging for this to be a horrible nightmare.

 

But he’s gone.


End file.
